I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
