just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
