Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
