I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
