bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
