Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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