I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
