after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
