yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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