Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
