I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
