I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
