Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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