Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
