It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
