I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
