is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
