Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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