I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
