My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
