I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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