but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
