i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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