sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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