I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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