i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Less talking, more tequila
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
