I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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