Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You're like the curious george of whores
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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