put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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