2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
