She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
