is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
