I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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