We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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