sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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