I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
