I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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