Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
