I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize