Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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