Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
