well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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