there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
