How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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