New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
they're like a gay fantastic four
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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