My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
