Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
