I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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