If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
