Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
