I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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