When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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