Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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