my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Randomize
