I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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