when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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