i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
