I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
