PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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