found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
