Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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