Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
