you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
