New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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