the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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