I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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