I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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