had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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